Bland

I think I am in an emotional rut.

I have spent the last two and a half months working in a new, yet temporary position at the hospital as we have done a complete overhaul of our documentation system. It has been exciting, I have met many wonderful people, and I have been living and working the day life. As I rapidly approach a return to my vampire existence of night shift nursing, I find myself fixating on the negatives. I have a hunch, this negativity is leading to stress which is leading to overeating (the last week of my month of non-processed dining took a nose dive the last week), writers block, and just a general feeling of blah. Instead of letting my mind wander and ponder the curiosities of life, I am embracing these feelings of dread and it is really cramping my creative style. I think I need some CBT to escape from these maladaptive, and might I add, buzz-killing thought processes. I am about to move into my first home and I will need my artistic juices flowing in order to jazz up the place on a shoestring budget.

In the meantime, I suppose the best strategy is to capture, in writing, the beauties in my life because, Lord knows when crankiness strikes, an otherwise happy life seems bound for hell in a hand basket.

And now, a litany of the joys of my life:

My mom - A woman who understands me on a level that that borders creepy

My dad - A man who has always been willing to risk his left hand to save my right. He is my source for all things rational and, courtesy of the 30 years he has spent with my mother, he is (almost) infinitely capable of calmly dealing with my crazy

My brother - No other man could show so much love amid such disinterest in the dramatic happenings of my life.

My sisters - Beautiful women who have grown into such different personalities. There is no end to the fun we can have together, and when conflicts arise, we are blessed to have feelings with a 2 second rebound rate and we are best friends again.

My big bro and sis in-law - I could not have found better partners for my siblings if I had hand picked them myself. I am very lucky they all found spouses who jive with our quirky family so well.

My Valerina - My other sister. My best friend. The woman who inspires my style and holds nothing back.

Jackson Browne - My hopelessly devoted canine companion. The man in my life. He has the bar high for any and all men who seek my affections. I mean no condescension when I say, I will consider no man who does not treat me as well or better than my dog.

My Work Family - When life in the cancer world, or just life in general gets tough, my work family reminds me why I chose this profession. They build me up, and in times of great despair, they carry me.

Josh Groban - One day he will realize that I am the woman for him.

Photo Christmas Cards - My new favorite part of the holiday season!

Friendship Bracelets - I pray I'm never too old to act like I'm 5

Fountain Pop - it may not be a cure-all, but it always makes me happy.

Running - Me, music, and the road. It's being part of an entire culture. It frees my mind. It cleanses my body and soul. Every day I get a little farther.

Traveling - The cure all for a semi-rooted woman with insatiable wander lust

Harry Potter - Reminded me why books are such a beautiful thing.

Organic Living Day 23

Today is day 23 of my month long trial of non-processed living and while I have made a few concessions along the way -- Rally's Burger, Fries, 2 Apple pies, and Large Diet Coke (Tuesday was a really bad day) -- I believe I have done exceptionally well and what I have learned to date is that I was eating an offensive amount of food prior to the start of this adventure. Just to give myself a reference point to the quantity of food I consume, I have been keeping a food diary. My daily caloric consumption is a healthy level for maintaining my current weight but I eat much less than previously and the foods I eat are much more nutrient rich. While it would be helpful to know how much my average caloric intake was prior to this diet modification but, quite frankly, I would be afraid to know just how much I was overeating. It is a sure sign of habitual over indulgence when you start eating a weight maintenance amount of food (about 1900 cal/day) and begin losing weight (about 1 lb per week so far).

Historically (and by historically I mean in the context of Emily History), when I make any sort of concession in my diet, the result is a slippery slope. Any time in the past when I have given up pop for a significant amount of time, if I allow myself to have even one diet coke with the intent to initiate a 1 pop per week rule, I inevitably revert to daily consumption and caffeine dependence. This go around, I have successfully reintroduced diet coke on two isolated occasions, and remained pop free the rest of the time. I give myself a firm pat on the back for this improved will power. Perhaps this is aided by the fact that I don't otherwise feel restricted by this eating plan. I am not starving, I have plenty of calories, and quite a wide variety of food. My food options seem to expand daily as I discover new non-processed foods and recipes. In light of this new found culinary hobby, perhaps it is good that the house I was supposed to close on a week ago fell through. I don't think a gally kitched would facilitate this domestic venture.

Smorgasbord v. Simple Spread

I acknowledge that at the age of 25, I lack credibility when I say things like, "When I was younger," but when technology turns over every 6 months, not surprisingly, we see persistent grow in the tech/digital entertainment sector. In a mere 25 years I have seen several complete technology turnovers (I gauge this mostly by the type of storage  media we use and their respective capacities 5" floppy to terrabyte external hard drive and everything in between...). The job market follows where the big money is being made, the more persons in a particular sector of the work force, the more man power is available to perpetuate the field. The result: In the 2010s, 900 professional films are released each year, an average household television carries a listing of 120+ channels and I cannot even begin to wrap my head around the number of gaming systems and games available.

Here comes the magic phrase...

When I was younger there were 4 national networks (NBC, ABC, CBS, FOX-which launched in 1986), 2 mainstream game systems (Nintendo, Sega), a new Disney movie release was a national event resulting from 4 years of intense animation efforts, my computer was black and white with a monitor that was deeper than it was wide and there.was.no.internet.

It is a beautiful thing to live in a world where movies and tv channels exist for nearly all tastes. Continually advancing technology offers it's benefits to such fields as the military, medicine, education, entertainment, etc, and as a friend has often told me "The good of a good is not diminished by the abuse of a good," however, I feel this overwhelming smorgasbord of technological delicacies is depriving us of a certain cultural solidarity.

My sister sent me a video over the weekend of a computer game we played when we were children. The game is, Treasure Cove, an educational game published in 1992 by The Learning Company to promote reading, math, and oceanography. This rediscovery of a childhood gem unleashed so many fun memories of spending hours at the computer playing this simple, repetitive game with terrible background music. Since this game was released in a time when computer game selection was limited, it was a safe bet, that if we played the game, most of our childhood friends did as well. Take Oregon Trail; a game that defined a generation. I have yet to find a person who did not play or at least know of Oregon Trail.  In relating to others of my generation, there is a special connection between all groups when discussing a hunting expedition which resulted in 2000lbs of slain buffalo and transport capabilites limited to 100lbs, or weighing the pro and cons of fording the river verses traveling out of the way to locate a ferry. One of my favorite time wasters is a website called Sporcle.com and the most entertaining puzzle I have done is to name the components of Oregon Trail. It is infectious and as many times as I play that puzzle it never fails to draw a crowd and incite a meeting of the minds in attempt to recall the many aspects of the game.

TGIF was a Friday night ritual. To date there is not a single show that compares to Family Matters, Boy Meets World, Fresh Prince, and Full House. Two straight hours of family friendly television that my siblings and I looked forward to every week. There was no fighting about what to watch and all our friends were at their respective homes watching the same thing. I am fairly certain that while these shows were top notch, this TGIF movement was facilitated by the fact that there simply was nothing else on tv. Now there are new shows launching on a weekly basis and because they are instantly facing 120+ other channels of programming, these new shows are almost doomed to fail.

Feature films are being released on a weekly basis and if a movie doesn't make a killing in the first week, it is washed a side by the next wave of anxiously anticipated films. This does not allow for the Star Wars phenomenon where the majority of a society has all seen the exact same film. To this day, I remain shocked when I discover someone who has not witnessed the awesomeness of the Star Wars Trilogy (I don't buy into episodes I/II/III). Anymore, movies are spitting out so fast, I manage to miss hearing about hundreds of "blockbusting" films. I'll liken it to driving down the street and passing a Lotus, Maserati, and an Aston Martin. I cannot possibly pay adequate attention to all three cars. I am gonna miss scoping out at least one of the cars.

In sum, I welcome technological

advancements and were it not for the existence of hundreds of television channels, I would be without my daily reruns of Beverly Hills 90210 which I find on SoapNet in the mornings. I do, however, long for another Star Wars or Titanic, where no matter how many films are being released, they still manage to draw in the majority of the American population.

Solidarity Sister, YA!YA!

Organic Living Day 13

I am amazed how the combination of emotional distress and hunger result in a desire to binge (or, as is more PC, stress eat).

 It is difficult to believe it has been almost 2 full weeks since I began my non-processed food diet modification. I feel the last week required much  less conscious thought which was potentially aided by having copious amounts of eligible food choices in my apartment. The pot roast I made early last week fed me for nearly a week (gotta love left overs) and I kept an adequate supply of non processed snacking options available for between meals. I was also quite impressed with myself for successfully making my own corn tortillas. So long as I never allowed myself to get to the point of starving I was able to stick to the eating rules without feeling deprived. Not to be trite, but being really hungry feels like my stomach is digesting my liver. Not pleasant. Perhaps that is why I developed the habit of always eating something. If I'm always eating, I'm never hungry... But I digress

This has nothing to do with food
but I highly recommend this film
and not just as a cancer nurse...

 The point is, yesterday, was the first day I really felt the emotional strain of non processed eating. To be honest, I would have sold my right foot for a diet coke. In the interest of full disclosure, I did, in fact, cave (luckily sparing all appendages). I drank half a bottle of diet coke and, to my disbelief, I was unimpressed. This is kind of a bittersweet discovery. On one hand, it is wonderful for my health and overall well being that I am put off by diet coke, but on the other hand, diet coke was my cure all and with the mood I was in yesterday, I really could have used a pick me up. Alas, all the diet coke offered was some heart palpitations.

[sidebar: my caffeine tolerance several weeks ago was such that I could consume 80+ ounces of diet coke in a 24 hour period and still want a nap. Sunday, I had a movie size iced tea when I went to see 50/50 with my friend Jim and my heart felt like it was beating so fast I thought my head was going to take off like a helicopter].

I suppose now, without pop to serve as self medication, I will actually have to exercise legitimate coping skills for my bad days.

...I am much better at maladaptive behaviors like the above mentioned substance abuse.

Snakes and Snails and Puppy Dog Tails

Everything you need to know about Men may be learned from classic literature. 
As it happens, there's not much to know...

I married him because I thought he was a gentleman," she said finally. "I thought he knew something about breeding, but he wasn’t fit to lick my shoe. (Chapter 2) 
The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald

Men become old, but they never become good.
Lady Windermere's Fan, Oscar Wilde 

I don't like compliments, and I don't see why a man should think he is pleasing a woman enormously when he says to her a whole heap of things that he doesn't mean.
Lady Windermere's Fan, Oscar Wilde 

A man who does not think for himself does not think at all.
Oscar Wilde

A woman impudent and mannish grown is not more loathed than an effeminate man in time of action.

Troilus and Cressida (Act III, scene 3)

William Shakespeare

Art thou a man? Thy form cries out thou art:

Thy tears are womanish; thy wild acts denote

The unreasonable fury of a beast:

Unseemly woman in a seeming man!

Or ill-beseeming beast in seeming both!

Romeo and Juliet (Act III, scene 3)

William Shakespeare

Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more,
Men were deceivers ever,-
One foot in sea and one on shore,
To one thing constant never.

Much Ado About Nothing (Act II, scene 3)

William Shakespeare

Well, I will find you twenty lascivious turtles ere one chaste man.
The Merry Wives of Windsor, William Shakespeare 

The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, since she is the most dangerous plaything.  
Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Friedrich Nietzsche 

When a man is in love he endures more than at other times; he submits to everything.
The Anarchist, Friedrich Nietzsche

Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself - like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks

The Snake Has All the Lines, Jean Kerr

It takes a woman twenty years to make a man of her son, and another woman twenty minutes to make a fool of him.

A Guide to Men, Helen Rowland

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

John Grey

How can a man marry wisely in his twenties?  The girl he's going to wind up wanting hasn't even been born.   
The Neurotic's Notebook, Mignon McLaughlin




 

Yours Has a Better Flavor

I find it fascinating to view the products of other peoples creative genius. It's very Being John Malkovich, the way it gains you entry into their mind to take a look at the world the way they see it. I have mentioned previously that when we see or hear something that resonates within us, I believe it is because it points out, whether consciously or subconsciously, a connection between us and that person stemming from some shared experience or thought. Often times, when I see a photo, hear a song, or read a passage, the artist has been able to capture and express a thought I have not yet found an adequate means of expressing. 

I am quite fond of quotations. When I was in high school there was a trend among the girls to have a quote book or some other quote compilation page. These pages were full of quotes that were thought provoking, painful, inspirational, romantic, and some were just simply hilarious. We had quotes for many occasions and we referenced them frequently. There are, of course, quotations that are overused, cliched, and even cheesy. I admittedly had several on my list which, as I read them now, are so very overdone I can't help but shake my head at my past self, but they meant the world to me when I was in high school. My perspective has changed as I have grown up and so with the emotional response I have to them. When I was 16, though, immature, and trying desperately to understand myself, people, and life in general, these words of others were as comforting as my childhood blanket. 

I do not believe people say things intending them to be words passed down through the ages. We say things to express the thoughts and emotions in our heart. Occasionally, when someone puts her thoughts into words, it resonates with us so we write it down and we share it. We don't take the words of others to plagiarize or to pass them as our own. We take the words of another because when looking to express the thoughts and emotions in our hearts, sometimes, someone else already said it best.

Here is a collection of things that today, Tuesday, October 11, 2011, resonate with me. No explanations. No rationalization. It is all the work of others but I could never say it, write it, sing it, paint it better

Mercy Matt Nathanson

I want a real love
to let me in
I want to zero out
and be born again
no more false starts and no dead ends

'cause I'm in no shape
to do whats right
I see up that's down and black that's white
it makes me dizzy I come apart
all this love love love in the dark

mercy mercy both hands
I need less drowning and more land
mercy mercy, understand
less drowning, more land, less drowning

you're fire in the crowd
just to watch you move
tie your hands and demand a salute
all these gardens full of snakes and fruit

you're the click click click
of the camera flash
its in the definite kick up in the fame ball blast
but they don't call and they don't last
and you're gone
outshine

mercy mercy both hands
I need less drowning and more land
mercy mercy, understand
less drowning, more land, less drowning

come on kill the light
leave it all behind
I'm right by your, I'm right by your side

lean on the tick of time
put your hand in in mine
watch your ...

mercy mercy, both hands
I need less drowning and more land
mercy mercy, understand
less drowning, more land

mercy mercy, I'm in your hands
I look into your eyes and see that I can
mercy mercy, understand 

less drowning, more land

less drowning, more land

Anders Zorn The Waltz

What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.  
Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger



The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter—'tis the difference between the lightning bug and the 

lightning.  

Mark Twain

Crater Lake, OR
Taken by: Zachary Altenau

  

After a while, you just want to be with the one that makes you laugh.

Sex and the City, Mr. Big

Savior Rise Against

It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten
what the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them
as the telling signs of age rain down a single tear is dropping
through the valleys of an aging face that this world has forgotten

there is no reconciliation that will put me in my place
and there is no time like the present to drink these draining seconds
but seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you
like walls that we just can't break through until we disappear
so tell me now

if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know
that's when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

but the day pressed on like crushing weights
for no man does it ever wait
like memories of dying days
that deafen us like hurricanes
bathed in flames we held the brand
uncurled the fingers in your hand
pressed into the flesh like sand
now do you understand?
so tell me now

if this ain't love then how do we get out?
because I don't know
that' s when she said I don't hate you boy
I just want to save you while there's still something left to save
that's when I told her I love you girl
but I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have

one thousand miles away
there's nothing left to say
but so much left that I don't know
we never had a choice
this world is too much noise
it takes me under
it takes me under once again

 

Robert Doisneau

Lastly, because no one says it like a child:

Organic Living Days 3-6

The caffeine withdrawal hit Friday afternoon (Day 3) bringing with it a fierce headache which felt like a continuously tightening belt around my skull. Tylenol is no match for my lacking diet coke intake. Luckily, I had already begun to feel better, lighter, more full of energy by that point in the process so I had adequate incentive to trudge through the pain and persist with the non-processed food plan.

I have come to two realizations at this current juncture.

1. I am very lazy about my food choices:
   It takes a great deal of effort to be deliberate about what I choose to eat. I was completely unaware until now how much of my day is spent with some sort of food or drink in hand. I am hoping that over time the decision to select or reject food based on its content will become more natural and require less though but it is definitely keeping the wheels of my brain turning as I plan what and when I can eat.
2. My boozin is on the rise:
   I have been taking the beer/wine/spirits rule to heart as I omit most other unacceptable beverages. I am selective about the adult beverages I drink, but my overall alcohol intake has increase exponentially in the last week (don't worry mom, it's an increase in frequency, not a increase in quantity per sitting).

Friday-Saturday-Sunday were full of challenges. My friend David (Spinning Quarter travel partner) came into town for the weekend and we went out on the town for some fine dining Friday night followed by camping on Saturday and Sunday. Friday we met up with Brittany, one of my girlfriends from college, for drinks at Bodega which was exciting for 2 reasons. The first being that Brittany is awesome and since she moved away for medical school I haven't seen her but once. The second being that October 2, 2011 marked the arrival of Yuengling to Ohio and this was our first opportunity to drink it "legally" in Ohio, on tap none the less. Drinks were followed by dinner at M at Miranova. One of the benefits of fine dining is everything is made with the finest of ingredients, so while I was still more selective than usual about what I ate, I allowed myself to believe, at least for the most part, the content of the dishes were non-processed. All the food was superb so any guilt quickly vanished as the various courses arrived.

After dinner, David and I met up with his sister and brother-in law for drinks at Milestone 229 which is along the Scioto Mile downtown. I have a childlike affinity for fountains and the one constructed behind the site of this establishment is truly inspired. It is amazing to me how little I have seen and done in this city where I have lived for 7 years. How could I, a fountain enthusiast, possibly have missed this spectacular set up?

 Saturday camping was the trickiest yet. We packed a cooler with appropriate dietary selections, but arriving to camp where there was a spread including hot bacon, biscuits and gravy was torture. Somehow, organic yogurt and eggs paled in comparison. Sunday morning after David and I left the camp site we went to the local organic restaurant I frequent, The Northstar Cafe. As David had never been there for brunch, I insisted he get the Cloud 9 pancakes (they are the things dreams are made of). He was skeptical at first because, per him, "who dreams about pancakes," but then, gentleman that he is, he ate every last bite, completely forgetting to save a small piece for me. The waitress overheard be giving David a hard time for his selfishness in failing to offer me a bite of my favorite dish, and she brought out another whole pancake just for me. The woman should get a raise!

Today I return back to a "normal" schedule and dining out for every meal will go away (at least for a few days). I need to talk to Kristen to get a pulse check on how she and Tim are doing at this point and maybe get some new recipes for the week. For right now, I am headed out to do my weekly grocery stopping.

Organic Living Day 2-3

10.7.11

What is the proper etiquette for when a person gives your a gift of food that you are unable to eat whether for reason of dietary necessity or preference? Today in a computer training class, one of the physicians went to the coffee shop and when she returned, she gave me a white paper bag which contained what was certainly going to be a delicious raspberry and white chocolate scone. Now, I did have several bites, the whole time mentally trying to convince myself that it was a home made, whole grain scone with freshly picked raspberries and home made white chocolate in the ingredient list. I simply couldn't bring myself to say, no thank you to this gift she purchased specifically for my enjoyment. Somewhere out there must be some Miss Manners or Emily Post article regarding this very issue, but I have yet to find it.

As for dinner last night, the wine and spirits were certainly not lacking for the evening. After dinner, while sitting at the bar I had a Black Orchid which was in a martini glass and poured over an ice ball with an orchid frozen inside making the drink not only delicious, but pretty to look at and quite the conversation piece. I managed to almost entirely avoid the pre dinner bread. I indulged in two bites of pretzel bread but then was distracted by my wedge salad and the scallops we ordered as an appetizer. It is kind of a beautiful thing, dining at a nice restaurant. I was easily able to convince myself that all the ingredients in the creme brulee we had for dessert was unprocessed and since it was warm and perfect when it was served, I knew it had been freshly made. I certainly didn't make it through the evening proccessed free, but I certainly faired much better than I would have otherwise.

Organic Living Day 1-2

Last night, by the grace of efficient teaching on the part of one of my coworkers, I recovered an hour of time between a meeting and a short shift on the floor. I used those precious minutes to meet one of my girlfriends at our favorite Wednesday night spot. We are frequenters of a local pub where, on Wednesday nights, patrons are served their burger of choice for $3.50. It is a weekly indulgence which is generally accompanied by beer...lots of beer. While driving the 3/4 mile to the pub from the hospital where I was previously, I realized, loaded burgers, fried kettle chips, and fried pickles are not part of my unprocessed diet. Not even 24 hours in and I am forced to choose between sticking with my new diet modification and my favorite burger. It was a definite angle/devil battle. Luckily, I still had a will power reserve which allowed me to resist temptation. I sat and enjoyed an unsweet iced tea and Samiha's company while watching her eat her cracked peppercorn burger. Though the event left a large enough emotional scar that I must publicly air my pain.

This morning I woke up 3 minutes after I was due to arrive at the hospital. I managed to get to work just under 30 minutes later, but I had no time to prepare a breakfast or lunch. Kudos to me for preparing fresh yogurt and fruit bowl 2 nights ago because I was able to grab breakfast and run. When I arrived I got a hot tea from the coffee shop in the medical library and sweetened it with raw sugar. For lunch I got an unwrapped hummus wrap with fresh spinach, cucumber, tomato, and dried cranberries (i suppose the cranberries are outside of the rules but I'll pretend there was no added sugar...). Hummus makes a great dressing substitute so I was able to avoid packaged ranch or Italian. Tonight I have dinner plans at a nice and very delicious restaurant so this will be another test of will. At least the most important element dining at a nice restaurant is in the clear...wine. When in doubt...drink the wine.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

Everything You need to know about Women, Love and Sex, may be learned from classic literature

Sex is something I really don't understand too hot. You never know where the hell you are. I keep making up these sex rules for myself, and then I break them right away. Last year I made a rule that I was going to quit horsing around with girls that deep down, gave me a pain in the ass. I broke it, though, the same week I made it - the same night, as a matter of fact. (Chapter 9)

That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you neer know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can. (Chapter 10)

I wouldn't mind being pretty good at that stuff. Half the time, if you really want to know the truth, when I'm horsing around with a girl, I have a helluva lot of trouble just finding what I'm looking for, for God's sake, if you know what I mean. Take this girl that I just missed having sexual intercourse with, what I told you about. It took me about an hour to just get her goddam brassiere off. By the time I did get it off, she was about ready to spit in my eye. (Chapter 13)

If a girl looks swell when she meets youm who gives a damn if she's late? Nobody. (Chapter 17)

Girls. You never know what they're going to think. (Chapter 18)

Holden Caufield, The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger

I feel sorry for lovely girls; they feel they are the cause of their own troubles, but are never quite sure why.

Oliver Walzer, The Mighty Walzer, Howard Jacobson

He knew women early, and since they spoiled him he became contemptuous of them, of young virgins because they were ignorant, of the others because they were hysterical about things which in his overwhelming self-absorption he took for granted. (Chapter 6)

The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald  

Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.

The Sphinx Without a Secret, Oscar Wilde

One should never trust a woman who tells one her real age. A woman who would tell one that, would tell one anything

 

I don't think there is a woman in the world who would not be a little flattered if one made love to her. It is that which makes women so irresistibly adorable.
 
My dear young lady, there was a great deal of truth, I dare say, in what you said, and you looked very pretty while you said it, which is much more important.

A Woman of No Importance, Oscar Wilde

The strength of women ocmes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analyzed, women...merely adored
The Ideal Husband, Oscar Wilde
   

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
Oscar Wilde

Her voice was ever soft,

Gentle and low, an excellent thing in woman.

King Lear: King Lear, (Act V, Scene 3)

Wilt thou be daunted at a woman's sight?

Ay, beauty's princely majesty is such,
Confounds the tongue and makes the senses rough.

She's beautiful and therefore to be woo'd: She is a woman, therefore to be won.

Suffolk: King Henry VI, Part 1 (Act V, Scene 3)

True; and therefore women, being the weaker vessels, are ever thrust to the wall: therefore I will push Montague's men from the wall, and thrust his maids to the wall.

Samson: Romeo and Juliet (Act I, Scene 1)

Mr. Bennet treated the matter differently. "So, Lizzy," said he one day, "your sister is crossed in love, I find. I congratulate her. Next to being married, a girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then. It is something to think of, and it gives her a sort of distinction among her companions. When is your turn to come? You will hardly bear to be long outdone by Jane. (Chapter 24)

A lady's imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. (Chapter 6)

Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen

When the candles are out all women are fair.
Morals, Plutarch (46-120AD)

For I cannot think that God Almighty ever made them so delicate, so glorious creatures; and furnished them with such charms, so agreeable and so delightful to mankind; with souls capable of the same accomplishments with men: and all, to be only stewards of our houses, cooks and slaves.
 The Education of Women, Daniel Defoe

 Let men tremble to win the hand of woman, unless they win along with the utmost passion of her heart.
The Scarlet Letter, Nathaniel Hawthorne

In revenge and in love, woman is more barbaric than man.
Beyond Good and Evil, Friedrich Nietzche
 
 
I have seen too much not to know that the impression of a woman may be more valuable than the conclusion of an analytical reasoner. 
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

O woman, perfect woman! What distraction was meant to mankind when thou wast made a devil
Monsieur Thomas, John Fletcher

Hold the Yellow #5

I will never again check up on what Kristen is up to in the world of Facebook because my innocent investigation yesterday has resulted in a month long "no processed food" adventure beginning today. When I read that Kristen and her husband Tim were looking for friends to join their unprocessed revolution, I was sitting at my computer feeling gross and overall unhealthy. Since the last month (::cough:: or two ::cough::) my diet has consisted of coffee, pop, fast food, beer, and, as of the last week, fudgecicles, I figured it couldn't hurt to try to detox a bit. So here goes nothin...

Now for the Eating Rules (at least the most important ones):

1. We are not going to be perfect, but we need to make a reasonable effort - If at a restaurant, at least choose something that is more likely to be non to minimally processed.
2. If you can make it yourself from scratch (I can make a grilled cheese myself but that doesn't make Velveeta ok...) it's ok to eat.
3. Only whole grains
4. No pop :(
5. Beer, Wine, and Spirits are ok and the more hand crafted the better (looks like I need to make my own distiller)

There are many other rules and guidelines for what constitutes unprocessed on the Eating Rules link but these 4 are the most important for me. Luckily I will have moral support from Kristen and Tim during this endeavour because give me one cranky day and I'm liable to hit an entire box of fudgecicles.

I had kielbasa, pirogi, and sauerkraut in my refrigerator calling my name last night so I took advantage of my last night of processed freedom and made a feast. I added sliced apples to the sauerkraut and separated that out so I could continue to eat that today. The kielbasa and pirogi were devoured or shared with a friend so they would be out of the house.

Today is day 1 and I'm off to a good start. Though I'm relatively certain as the days go on, I will be like this...

I did a little extra food prep last night so I would have things to eat today. The big issue as the days go by will be making time to fix meals for myself, especially on days when I am gone from sun up to sun down. This morning I had a small coffee with honey, a cup of fresh grape/plum juice (I love my juicer), and vanilla yogurt with fresh strawberries. I came home from the hospital for lunch and Jackson and I went for a 30 minute run at the park. Afterwards, for lunch I had 2 turkey and cheese roll ups with the turkey and cheese I got at the deli.

Whenever I begin a nutrient modification program (I hate the word diet, I prefer life style changes, they are more permanent) the worst part is the first 3 days as my stomach shrinks back to normal size. Right now it is so stretched out, half of why I feel hungry is because my stomach feels empty even when it is full because it has gotten so stretched out over my month long binge of junk food. Nutrient wise, I think I'm doing ok.

My goal is not to rid my diet completely or forever of processed goods (a life without french bread is not a life), but I would like to return to a place where I feel like a healthy person instead of a blob. We'll see how this all goes...

Age Old Recipe

I had an interesting lunch conversation today regarding manners in present day society. I don't necessarily have full conversations on this topic frequently, but, quite regularly, I hear remarks voicing sentiments of a similar nature. It is easy to look at the children of a younger generation, be appalled by their behavior, and think to myself, "Things were not that bad when  I was their age." Depending on the behaviors being witnessed it can even cause anxiety thinking the world is headed to hell in a dishevelled hand basket.

Think for a moment. What is more likely:
A. Society is rapidly deteriorating further and further with each generation
or
B. As we age, our perspective changes and our behavioral expectations increase making it appear that we are in a downward spiral.*

This is an age old concern. As far back as 8th Century B.C. There are records of this depressed view of the future of youth. Hesiod  said:

I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words...When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly disrespectful and impatient of restraint.

Socrates is credited with saying in 4th Century B.C.:

The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.

Socrates pupil, Plato, followed with:

 

What is happening to our young people? They disrespect their elders, they disobey their parents. They ignore the law. They riot in the streets inflamed with wild notions. Their morals are decaving. What is to become of them?

 

 

All of my theories are based on my own life experiences. I am not a philosopher and I certainly have no hard evidence on the matter, but I believe the trend of youth behavior looks more like this graph I found from Anxiety Culture:



 

 

Perhaps it is a bit "Glass is half full" of me, but I am inclined to think that as I have grown, my understanding of proper behavior and human interaction has improved. Have I -- dare I say it -- matured?

*All theories are based on my personal life experience. They are not backed by any hard sociological or experimental data. They are developed after significant and long term pondering of all that is found in my repository of knowledge.



This Tastes Familiar

I read this yesterday courtesy of Marc and Angel Hack Life:

When you get to know people with different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels, you begin to realize that everyone basically wants the same things.  They want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future.  The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same.  You can relate to almost everyone everywhere if you look past the superficial facades that divide us.

This passage reminded me of something...
I have a theory, well actually I have many theories, but at present, this one comes to mind:

The happenings of our lives are not so unique as we like to believe. The things we experience are common, repetitive, and relate-able. Our individuality, therefore, is found in the unique combination of life occurrences and our reactions to these events.*

This is not intended as some attempt to devalue the individuality of anyone. As mentioned in this theory, I do believe in a uniqueness of man. But when examining the happenings of our lives, positive and negative alike, we have a great deal more in common with our fellow man than we would like to credit. There are several occasions recently when this concept has been called to my mind:

1. Any dealings with my mother:
   It seems I run a life parallel to that of my mother. There are many times when this causes conflict. Most frequently it is when she expresses mistrust in my decision making capabilities. I believe when speaking with my mother about any issue, minor or significant, she relates too closely to my situation that she cannot help but to immediately recall a similar situation in her past and the pain or frustration she felt when dealing with with it in her own life. Because she is my mother and she loves me, the mere possibility that I may experience any pain results in an immediate desire to solve the problem on my behalf in lieu of trusting my ability to face my demons alone. My mom looks at how similar my life is to hers and sees all the pain I may face. I look at how similar my life is to hers and am comforted by this glimpse of how perfectly everything will turn out. Frankly, how could I be anything but well equipped to face life's troubles? After all, I learned from the best.
   
2. Watching TV:
   The other night I began watching My So Called Life, a short lived, mid-90s teen drama turned cult classic about the life and times Angela Chase and her high school journey of self discovery (the most important aspect of which was her crush on Jordan Catalano ::sigh::). As I was watching this show which aired 17 years ago and was set 6 years before I started high school, I found myself relating on such a deep personal level to everything Angela goes through. Having a crush that is all consuming, having friends and growing apart, wanting to go out and experience things way beyond your years and fighting with your parents when they say no, etc. Angela puts it bluntly, "My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?' You don't care how it was, you're lucky to get out alive." A television show like this only becomes as popular and notorious as it became because it addresses issues to which millions from multiple generations can relate.
   
   I remember when I was asked to Senior prom as a Freshman and I thought it was the coolest thing. My parents were of a different opinion and refused to let me attend. Since I knew better and they were certainly just trying to ruin my life, I threw a fit. They finally agreed to let me go. I learned later it was not to appease me, but because I wouldn't learn the lesson they were trying to protect me from unless I learned it on my own. Sure enough, I went, I was the youngest person there and I had a miserable time. As it turned out I was ill equipped to be in the company of a strictly Senior population. For some reason this experience has stayed with me and it is one of those moments that comes to mind when I see things like a fight between Angela Chase and her mother. In high school I was like Angela, thinking my parents didn't understand me. Now I see that fight and think, "Silly Angela, she is just trying to protect you because she knows more than you. She's been there." Isn't that just what "I've been there" means? An acknowledgement that I have had a common relate-able experience.
   
   Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." I think perhaps, everyone young and old having the same experiences is God's way of helping us learn from the history of other people and civilizations. If only we were smart enough to listen.
   
3. Finding a close friend in a perfect stranger:
   From time to time, I will meet someone new and there is an immediate connection. We instantly understand eachother's humor, we understand one another's thought processes, it just feels like we have known one another for years yet we met 5 minutes ago. This recently happened to me with my friend Tamara. we met less than two months ago through a work project. There are people I have known for 10 years I don't feel I know as well as her. The only thing I can possibly imagine could results in this sort of "kindred spirit" encounter is meeting a person who has a similar combination or life occurrences and reactions. Life paths are never identical and the details are always unique but I believe there are people with whom our lives run parallel and when we meet them, we can't help put feel that connection.
   
4. Seeing a picture, reading a quote, listening to a song, that touches your soul:
   There are times when i hear a song on the radio, read a book, or see a picture on the internet and it feels like that song, book, or picture was made for me. There is something about it that speaks so loudly to me that it elicits some indescribable emotion and I want to hear it, read it, look at it over and over again. Sometimes they are sad, sometimes they are funny. Whatever the tone, they are the sounds, words, vision of another person and we feel a connection to them through their art. Today as I was reviewing the recent posts of Dante Shepheard from Surviving the World, I found this silly post which seemed to describe perfectly my irrational passion for the things I like. I feel anyone who knows me will appreciate...
   
   

As with all theories, they remain the closest thing I have to personal truths until further experimentation, or in this case life experience, brings new evidence to light. For now I look forward to to future experiences that will allow me to relate to my fellow man

*All theories are based on my personal life experience. They are not backed by any hard sociological or experimental data. They are developed after significant and long term pondering of all that is found in my repository of knowledge.