When you get to know people with different ethnic backgrounds, from different cities and countries, who live at various socioeconomic levels, you begin to realize that everyone basically wants the same things. They want validation, love, happiness, fulfillment and hopes for a better future. The way they pursue these desires is where things branch off, but the fundamentals are the same. You can relate to almost everyone everywhere if you look past the superficial facades that divide us.
This passage reminded me of something...
I have a theory, well actually I have many theories, but at present, this one comes to mind:
The happenings of our lives are not so unique as we like to believe. The things we experience are common, repetitive, and relate-able. Our individuality, therefore, is found in the unique combination of life occurrences and our reactions to these events.*
This is not intended as some attempt to devalue the individuality of anyone. As mentioned in this theory, I do believe in a uniqueness of man. But when examining the happenings of our lives, positive and negative alike, we have a great deal more in common with our fellow man than we would like to credit. There are several occasions recently when this concept has been called to my mind:
- Any dealings with my mother:
It seems I run a life parallel to that of my mother. There are many times when this causes conflict. Most frequently it is when she expresses mistrust in my decision making capabilities. I believe when speaking with my mother about any issue, minor or significant, she relates too closely to my situation that she cannot help but to immediately recall a similar situation in her past and the pain or frustration she felt when dealing with with it in her own life. Because she is my mother and she loves me, the mere possibility that I may experience any pain results in an immediate desire to solve the problem on my behalf in lieu of trusting my ability to face my demons alone. My mom looks at how similar my life is to hers and sees all the pain I may face. I look at how similar my life is to hers and am comforted by this glimpse of how perfectly everything will turn out. Frankly, how could I be anything but well equipped to face life's troubles? After all, I learned from the best.
- Watching TV:
The other night I began watching My So Called Life, a short lived, mid-90s teen drama turned cult classic about the life and times Angela Chase and her high school journey of self discovery (the most important aspect of which was her crush on Jordan Catalano ::sigh::). As I was watching this show which aired 17 years ago and was set 6 years before I started high school, I found myself relating on such a deep personal level to everything Angela goes through. Having a crush that is all consuming, having friends and growing apart, wanting to go out and experience things way beyond your years and fighting with your parents when they say no, etc. Angela puts it bluntly, "My parents keep asking how school was. It's like saying, 'How was that drive-by shooting?' You don't care how it was, you're lucky to get out alive." A television show like this only becomes as popular and notorious as it became because it addresses issues to which millions from multiple generations can relate.
I remember when I was asked to Senior prom as a Freshman and I thought it was the coolest thing. My parents were of a different opinion and refused to let me attend. Since I knew better and they were certainly just trying to ruin my life, I threw a fit. They finally agreed to let me go. I learned later it was not to appease me, but because I wouldn't learn the lesson they were trying to protect me from unless I learned it on my own. Sure enough, I went, I was the youngest person there and I had a miserable time. As it turned out I was ill equipped to be in the company of a strictly Senior population. For some reason this experience has stayed with me and it is one of those moments that comes to mind when I see things like a fight between Angela Chase and her mother. In high school I was like Angela, thinking my parents didn't understand me. Now I see that fight and think, "Silly Angela, she is just trying to protect you because she knows more than you. She's been there." Isn't that just what "I've been there" means? An acknowledgement that I have had a common relate-able experience.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself." I think perhaps, everyone young and old having the same experiences is God's way of helping us learn from the history of other people and civilizations. If only we were smart enough to listen.
- Finding a close friend in a perfect stranger:
From time to time, I will meet someone new and there is an immediate connection. We instantly understand eachother's humor, we understand one another's thought processes, it just feels like we have known one another for years yet we met 5 minutes ago. This recently happened to me with my friend Tamara. we met less than two months ago through a work project. There are people I have known for 10 years I don't feel I know as well as her. The only thing I can possibly imagine could results in this sort of "kindred spirit" encounter is meeting a person who has a similar combination or life occurrences and reactions. Life paths are never identical and the details are always unique but I believe there are people with whom our lives run parallel and when we meet them, we can't help put feel that connection.
- Seeing a picture, reading a quote, listening to a song, that touches your soul:
There are times when i hear a song on the radio, read a book, or see a picture on the internet and it feels like that song, book, or picture was made for me. There is something about it that speaks so loudly to me that it elicits some indescribable emotion and I want to hear it, read it, look at it over and over again. Sometimes they are sad, sometimes they are funny. Whatever the tone, they are the sounds, words, vision of another person and we feel a connection to them through their art. Today as I was reviewing the recent posts of Dante Shepheard from Surviving the World, I found this silly post which seemed to describe perfectly my irrational passion for the things I like. I feel anyone who knows me will appreciate...
*All theories are based on my personal life experience. They are not backed by any hard sociological or experimental data. They are developed after significant and long term pondering of all that is found in my repository of knowledge.
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